Lately my life has been really busy. There has been the normal of work and school and of course dating here and there, then there’s been the church I have been going to for the last couple of months. Every time I go I come away wanting more.  This church amazes me, people are so non judgmental and I thoroughly enjoy going and am disappointed when the service ends.

Last Sunday, I sat where I normally do and this couple sat down beside me, after the service they were asking me how long I had been going and we started chatting. Somehow we got on the topic that I am going to college as well as working; I also shared a few tidbits of my past. Then the pastor came over and somehow the man that was part of the couple told the pastor of some of the things I have gone through. Well one thing lead to another and he asked if I would ever be interested in sharing my Faith Story, I said I would.

So I get an email from the assistant pastor and this Sunday I am sharing my Faith Story with all three services! Crazy!

 

My Dearest Angel Baby,

Six years ago you changed my life, you made me realize life wasn’t just about me and there was something more important that I was meant to do. I know I only knew you for a few short weeks, but I want you to know that those weeks I remember as though it was just yesterday. I still imagine what it was like to have you grow in my tummy. You see Angel Baby, I loved you more than anything and I miss you more than you will ever know. At times it seems like I just imagined you and other times I know that I knew you and you knew me, your mommy. I loved you then and I still love you. I still think of you and I still wonder what you would be like. You would be six this year, how did those years slip by? It seems like it was only yesterday when I was first introduced to you. I remember the moment that I found out I was pregnant with you and how elated I felt, there are no words to accurately describe just how happy the thought of you made me. I had all of these hopes and dreams for you, I never imagined that I would be here and you wouldn’t be right next to me holding my hand.

This year I am at peace, don’t get me wrong Angel Baby I miss you more than I can even begin to tell you, but I also know that I am okay without you. I miss you tremendously but I see you in my dreams and that makes me smile! Even though you never knew this earth you knew me, you knew I’d keep you safe just as you kept me safe. You saved my life Angel Baby. At times I struggle wondering how I am ever going to make it until tomorrow and I get lonely for you. I know the other night I had a conversation with you and this childlike voice told me what I needed to do; I believe that you are here with me guiding me, leading me and bringing me the peace that I have needed for the serenity I have been searching for.

I love you my darling Angel Baby and I feel blessed to have felt you and to know what it was like to love something more than any words can describe. I love you and happy birthday Angel Baby……

 

Love,
Mommy

I had a busy weekend....I'll spill the details later this week because I need a little time to "compute" my weekend.....

 

Anyway, Ineeded some good cardio and whilst out on my mountain bike I took some really incredible pictures....I am by no means a photographer, but I am really happy with the results......<~~~this is the Crow River, it i s on the trail I ride on

 

next up is this bridge that I go under~~~> Then there are  all of these amazing colors that God has put out there for all of our viewing pleasure......

 

 

Then there are some of the most amazing little bodies of water that just peak through the trees for us all to catch glimpses of....... The path that takes you downtown~~~>

 

Then there is the downtown of what the epitomy of small town America is all about.......

 

Then there's this one lone evergreen tree that reminds me of me...he's standing tall proud to be different but standing there alone and amazingly beautiful; yet he just fits right into the space amongst all of the other beautiful things that Mother Nature encompasses~~~>

 

<~~~the Willow tree that stands so great and tall

 

Then there is the illustrious Sumac that has the most amazing colors~~~>

 

Then there was my favorite picture I took~~~~>

 

 

So that's what surrounds me and it amazes me. I am so fortunate to have some of the most amazing and beautiful things to look at. Yes Fall has officially arrived and I must stay it has been a warm but welcome one........Enjoy!

I had a couple of dates this past week. Both of them do not have bragging rights. The first one was a pathological liar, a smoker and who knows what else. I find it almost humorous that one can tell you one story on the phone and then when you meet in person two days later, your story has changed completely and the story has an even sadder ending…um which story is the truth or is it something else. I just don’t get what guys think they will accomplish by not being truthful. Seriously I have an above average IQ so do they really think I won’t catch on eventually?

Date number two kind of irritated me by telling me this story of when he was a truck driver and was pulled over by female law enforcement on patrol to do a random pee test. He did his pee test but when he handed her the cup back he made it so it would go on her hand. Seriously, that does not impress me. There were a few other things too that just didn’t do it for me. He told me that he shredded all of his clothes when he found out his wife wanted a divorce…um violent? I’ve been done that road with the guy that needed anger management classes so do you think I want that again? Probably not.

I have found that typically I know within the first few moments if I am attracted to them or not. I will start to think about what it would be like to kiss them and if I will get kissed by the end of the date or not. With both of these dates I wasn’t even remotely thinking that, besides the fact they both smoked, which they forgot to mention and the fact they both seriously needed a visit to the dentist because their teeth were so bad.

I now have a stalker from one of the dating sites. He and I spoke once and I could tell he wasn’t someone I was interested in, the conversation was boring. He talked about how he liked to go to live bands, get drunk and then drive. Um, okay, let me think on that. Then he has a large dog that I would have to meet and she would determine if he and I could have a future together. The other odd thing is that he suffers from anxiety and depression so his doctor wrote him a note that his dog is his companion, therefore apartments must rent to him. Uh, yeah, can I sign up for that? He calls me 3-4 times a day besides emailing me. I have told him I am not interested but he insists I should be. Can you say CLINGY? Thank goodness for the person that came up with caller ID, huge savior!

Let’s see there is one other prospect but he lives 6 hours away. I did tell him last night on the phone that if we met up and we liked each other I have no intention of moving to where he is nor do I care to be in a long distance relationship. He assured me that if we did like each other it wouldn’t be this way forever. I do feel some red flags though because he has already brought up that he doesn’t like me dating. I told him that wasn’t his prerogative to like or not like, because until he and I meet, date awhile and determine “if” there is anything between us, I will date when I want. I don’t know how he liked that but he still called me today. I also get the distinct feeling that he possibly has some issues, not sure why I feel that way but I have this gut feeling every time we talk that when we get on certain topics he gets this nervous laugh and his tone changes so it leads me to believe that something is up.

I just get frustrated with the whole dating thing. I don’t understand why men feel that they have to lie. I know I am far from perfect but I am proud of my accomplishments and I am not going to embellish what I am or who I have become. I have gotten here pretty much on my own with the support of my family and close friends, but I am certainly proud of myself.

So anyway, that’s the dating scene in a nutshell. School is going well but keeps me busy, I started my new class’s last Monday and so far so good, tough but I think I will like them and the challenges that come with the thought processes behind the assignments. Work has been stressful lately but that’s normal.  I am applying for other jobs and also posting my resume on job finding sites, so eventually something will turn up. I ended up with a cold this weekend so I have been taking it easy and I didn’t make it to church today, so I am feeling a little out of sorts in that department. I miss my blonde hair so in a couple of weeks I will be changing it back. I am definitely more comfortable blonde, the red is nice but the blonde is more me. Take care and have a beautiful week! Fall has arrived here! J