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30 December The guy that doesn't get the girl.....So this guy that I was dating (Key word being "WAS") turns out to be not so much of a catch. We went out on Friday. Let me be more specific, I had some time I had to use up before the end of the year at work, so I left at 11:30 to go meet up with him. We met up went to a couple of shops and I was getting hungry, so I asked him if he was and no he wasn’t because he just ate before I met up with him. (I was kind of dumbfounded because I thought we would be going out for a late lunch?!?!) Anyway, I happened to see a Bath and Bodyworks store and they always have a huge sale right after Christmas and I typically like to stock up on some of their things at good prices. So we went in there. Prior to this one of my good friends had called me, the good friend happens to be a guy and I answered the phone and told him I would talk to him on way home from where I was since I would have about a 20 minute drive. So “the guy” gets bent out of shape over it in Bath and Bodyworks. He basically started telling me I couldn’t be friends with him and that all guys had one thing on their mind and it wasn’t to be just friends. This really irritated me. First off we have known each other maybe 6 weeks and I have done nothing to make him not trust me, nor is anyone going to tell me that I can’t talk to my friends. Friends that have been there when I didn’t think I was going to be able to cope with life and friends that have been there to dry my tears and tell me it will be okay and get better. My ex husband would get mad because I didn’t have many friends, which I believe in quality way over quantity, so now I have a handful of good friends and the majority of them are guys. This guy in particular is one that I used to work with and I worked with him for two years. So this guy starts raising his voice at me and shaking his head and getting all weird about it. Let me rephrase he was angry, really angry. I could see he anger in his eyes. It actually reminded me of a way my ex husband would get when he was mad. Then the girls working there were looking at me like uh what’s the deal?!? Finally he just said let’s not talk about it. My thoughts were oh sure let’s sweep it under the rug and not deal with it. Hm, been there, done that and I have the t-shirt that goes with that (and the divorce papers!). In a relationship you can’t just sweep the things you don’t like under the rug, you have to deal with them because at some point in the relationship it will come up again. He even had the gall to tell me that when things got more serious between he and I, I would have to give up my guy friends. Uh, I don’t think so! (loser!) oops did I just type that?!?
Well, then we headed off to get me something to eat. I bought some soup and coffee and he watched me eat. Yeah I paid and he didn’t offer! Which I would have just said I would have paid for it anyway. Gawd forbid if he had to pay for anything anyway. This guy is about as cheap as they come. I mean really cheap, he has a good job and no debt except for a house payment, not that I expect someone to spend a ton on me, but I do expect to be taken on some nice dates once in awhile. One of our dates consisted of going to McDonald’s. (so where do I meet these guys anyway?!?!) The other strange thing is that wouldn’t you think if you liked a girl that maybe you would tell her that you thought she was cute? Yup never heard that from him, apparently compliments aren’t something he knows anything about. He mentioned to me that he had dated girls and they would think he wasn’t interested because he didn’t show interest. As Dr. Phil says “and how’s that working for ya?”. Your reply, “it’s not!” Then HELLO do something different!
So I will be ringing in the New Year once again by myself. Oh well….2008, I can just feel has something really good in store for me.
Happy New Year! Be Safe and God Bless You All! May 2008 bring you some unexpected joy, may it bring you much happiness, may you find peace and put closure on the things that bothered you in 2007. Leave that "stuff" in 2007 for it is the past and 2008 is the start of a new future. Let go of your insecurities and love yourself even more. Find peace in the small things. Take your rose colored glasses off and "really" look at life with a brand new and clear view. Take time everyday to make someone smile and make them feel special for it might be the only joy they had seen for that day! Those are the things I wish for you...my friends....xoxox
Love, 23 December "The Kiss"So, the kiss. The long awaited first kiss with what I believe will not be the last. As I sit here writing about “the kiss” I really can’t believe I am writing about it. Typically I am a private person and there are just some things that you don’t share. Like the old adage, don’t kiss and tell, that has been my philosophy, well, up till today. I had the weird sensation and strange feeling come over me when our lips finally locked. It was strange, something completely unexpected and something I can’t quite even comprehend yet. In all honesty I’ve never had a kiss that left me feeling the emotion I was feeling, typically I am not speechless and this quite honestly left me kind of baffled and beyond speechless.
I’ve kissed my share of boys, men and boys that claim to be men and I have to tell you, I’ve never had what was stirred inside of me stirred. I know I am passionate and compassionate but to have one moment that brings tears to your eyes from the most thoughtful kiss ever? Strange, but totally true. You know on TV when you see the couple kissing and supposedly fireworks go off? Well, I always thought humph only on TV. I can guarantee that after what I experienced last night fireworks do exist. After the kiss, we watched hockey, the Minnesota Wild to be exact. I put on my sweats, sweatshirt and fuzzy socks and it was one of those nights I will treasure forever. I had one of the best Christmas presents a girl could ask for. I truly believe I met someone really special. After the game was done he went on his merry way home, first with another couple of kisses. Kisses that I really can’t describe. It was one of the most beautiful moments. I’ve always thought a kiss was just a kiss, but that philosophy is just not so. A kiss is but a kiss when it is filled with something much deeper, something so deep it can only come from the heart and soul. Something that most will never experience and those that have the lucky chance to stumble upon it will treasure it for always. Yes, it was anything but just a kiss. With all that being said, I wish you all one very merry and special Christmas. I hope that it is filled with many blessings, I wish that for all your hearts are filled with love and exuberance. I can only hope you feel as blessed as I do, love one another and more importantly love yourself, because really if you don’t or cannot love yourself, you really cannot have true love exist within your life. Find hope in the small things and don’t forget that wonderment in the simplicity of the season. Be true to yourself and one another but rejoice that we have freedom to roam on this place called earth. Thank God for the very air you breathe and be blessed that today is a gift that cannot go forgotten…for tomorrow isn’t something that is promised to any of us. Believe in mystery and never lose hope. These things my friends, I sincerely wish and pray will find you or you will find them. Bless you all and have a beautiful Christmas! Love, hCynthiag 22 December "The Boy" and all the other "stuff" that comes along with the feelings....So, this guy that I have been talking to really impresses me. We’ve been talking since Thanksgiving, I believe the week prior to Thanksgiving. Anyway, almost every night we talk and not just talk for a few minutes, but for a couple of hours at the very minimum. We’ve met 3 times and have another date today. He’s actually coming out to fix my door knob on my bathroom door. You’d think new construction would be perfect, but it’s not. I digress, I don’t want to talk about my door knob. I want to talk about “the boy”. He’s a little younger than me which I’ve never dated anyone younger but he seems much more mature so that really doesn’t bother me and it is only a 2 ½ difference. He’s so nice, perceptive, kind, caring, geeky, intelligent, cute, funny, sarcastic and so much more. Since I have met him I haven’t put a lot of thought into what there is between him and I. For one work has really kept me busy from thinking of anything but getting the job done and going home. I know I look forward to talking to him at night. Our conversations make my day complete. I like his hands, I have realized that hands and the way they touch you can make you feel things you never knew you were capable of feeling. True, he hasn’t kissed me yet, he’s shy…but you know I’m okay with that. Slow is good.....of course to a point. I am looking forward to that kiss today though. If he doesn’t kiss me, I will kiss him. I’m not going to be afraid, I am just going to do it! I’m afraid to let myself love someone. I realized last night and this morning as I was thinking about the relationship, that I want to be with him, I want to date him exclusively, I want to know everything there is to know about him. I want to know his heart, his soul and his spirit. I want to connect on that level that everyone searches for and never quite can seem to find. What I feel is so real, it feels so right, he makes me happy. He makes me think, he makes me want to be better than what I already am. I’m just scared to let myself feel what I am feeling in my heart. I’m ready to fall in love and be swept off my feet, but I am hesitant, because it’s taken me so long to get where I am right this very moment. It’s taken so much time and effort for me to be comfortable as me. It’s taken so much self realization to figure out that I am okay with being single and that I don’t need a man, but I want one to enhance my happiness. It’s taken a lot for me to find who I really am meant to be. I get scared at the prospect that I could possibly be falling in love with “the boy”. Yet when I think about it, it feels so right. I don’t have that in between feeling I did when I was in my last relationship. I don’t have that little voice in my head telling me this isn’t right. That’s the other thing, normally I have a little voice in my head telling me right from wrong, but this time I’m not hearing that voice. Perhaps because this is so right? Perhaps because it feels good? Perhaps its because it’s where I am meant to be? I’m not sure. It’s just weird not to have that voice in my head guiding me. For the first time I think it is my heart that I am listening too. I think I really am falling in love…. 14 December Something new....Lately my life has been so full of change, again. I am anxious for the roller coaster ride that I have been on to come to at least a slow down. I recently was promoted at work. I now do training and am a supervisor. I like it, but it definitely comes with change and getting used the different things I have to do. I always was and still am the person that comes to work, does their job and goes home. I am amazed at the people that I work with...without going into any details I am definitely more normal than I ever thought.
On the dating front....I met someone. He makes me smile. He makes me laugh. He makes me think. I like the guy, how much, I'm not sure, but then again maybe I am because I am always sure of some things. Then again, I'm scared to get close to someone again. Not just a little scared, but a lot scared. We are moving at a really slow pace...and that truly is a good thing. I'm seeing him tomorrow again. It's our 3rd date. I'm excited, nervous, anxious and happy. I truly am happy. So, we'll see what happens. Cynthia |
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